Friday, May 9, 2008

Just Venting to Myself!!

Today has been a day I just need to vent. I need to get this off my chest. I am so frustrated and so stressed out I a at my whits end. I don't know what to do. Ok, Andrew my 22 yer old son lost his job about 6-8 weeks ago and has not found a new job yet. I realize that is not that long to find a job however he does very little and I mean the bare minimum to find a job. He has no desire to find a job and we (my husband and I), can not seem to find a way to get him to have a desire to find a job. He went to Auto mechanic school for 13 months because he wanted to be a mechanic and got loans and the whole thing. Went through the entire 13 month program for nearly $30,000 in student loans that we nice parents co-signed for! Then he graduates and moves home and gets a mechanic job and he HATES it as well as his boss. Oh my what are we do do. We told Andrew while he was still working to look for another job so he could quit the mechanic job and go to the new job. Well does he do that. Oh no he is too tired to look for a job after work, or there is not enoght time to look for a job I work all day every day of the week, or a number of other excuses till he is one day fired! Well now he has no job!!! So here we go telling him well you really are going to have to find a job. you have a car payment to make of nearly $300 a month and a loan payment of nearly $400 a month and those are only the two bills that we your parents co-signed for you! Your other bills and or credit cards are yous not ours! WEll we do not have the money to make his car payment and his loan payment and all our own bills an payments every month on end for sure. So he has been told he has to apply for 4 jobs every day and he does that for a few days maybe 3 and then he starts doing 3 applications a day. Then the new thing is that on Friday's we don't do app;ications cause places don't want them on Fridays. So we hava a friend remodeling a home and he will pay him a good amount of many an hour to help him with it. We tell Andrew go out three days a week fill out 3 applications and then go work two full days with our friend and a couple of half days so you can help us get your bills paid till you find a job. That worked for one week!!! We are now at this point. Andrew sits on his butt in his bedroom playing some stupid X-BOX game for hours & Hours & hours all day all night! He is adicted!!!!!!! We have had yellomg fights, screaming fights, notes back and forth and it has got to stop. It is going to make me crazy. Right now I do not want to be in my own home. I want to run away and hide. I don't want to hear the game he plays killing and shooting and swearing at everything. It is horrible and I don't feel like I can even invite a friend over to visit. I had my 3 1/2 year old adopted grandson over yesterday for the day. He and I walked back to my bedroom to put him down for a nap and clear as a bell Andrew says "Oh SH__" I was so MAD I almost lost it and told him to turn that lousy game off or stop talkng like that right now. He got much quieter. Anyway I am just ready to fly away. It is getting so old. I do not know why my son at 22 years old does not wantt o go out and get a job. He has no money and we do not give him any money. The only money he gest is the bills we pay for him that we co-signed for. Any other bills he has the collection agencies are after him for. I am so sick of this...........tired...........drained...............and......frustrated. My husband is just as upset as me and we are at a total loss as what to do. We ae now praying MORE and trying to let go and let GOD!!!! I don't know if anyone can even understand this chicken scratch but if you do and have some helpful thoughts feel free to share!!!! I feel like we are being punished cause we co-signed on the car and school loans for him and becaseu he was such a good kid all through his growing up years even through the teen years!! OK sorry I will shut yp now. I pray that God will bring us through this soon. I love yuou Lord and I know you are here and you are in control!


joan said...

Margie, that's a terrible place to be in your life. I am so sorry that you and your husband find yourself in that position. When you say you don't want to be home because of the commotion, that boy is getting all of the control. Have you thought about giving him 30 days to get out. I'm sure there are hamburger places he could work. Sounds like his car should be sold to pay it off and you should take away his video games. It is your house!

I have only co-signed something once and I ended up paying for I learned my lesson well.

Please don't be offended, but have you wondered if drugs might be involved since his personality has changed so drastically.

I feel so bad for you. These are the years you and your husband should be sitting back and enjoying your life.

I hope you are getting some direction from a counsilor...I have been where you are and exerting tough love is very difficult!

Take care. I'll be praying that you are given wisdom and strength to do what is right for this boy.


Redheadmamaof6boys said...

Hi Margie, how are things going this week with Andrew? My biggest lesson in life was when my parents said NO to me. I refused to be cooperative and follow the family rules.. so I was on my own! Paying my own bills and living a stupid life. It didn't take too long (Well, at the time it seemed too long.. it was a year and a half or so!) before life got SO darn hard, that I finally wised up and listened to them. Came back to my faith.. but, ya know, it really took me hitting the bottom of the barrel. I was losing at all the games I was playing... debt, relationships, etc. Don't be afraid to let him learn his lessons. And, Joan is right, it is your house. You make the rules. If he wants a warm (or cool!) room to sleep in and food in the fridge, he will follow them.
I know the tough love way is really hard, but I can say it worked for me. I will pray for you all!!!!
And btw, di you get the library job??? That would be awsome!!

dee said...

Margie, I didn't realize that things were so difficult for you. I'll be praying for your situation with Andrew. This situation is not too big for God but sometimes it does take time. I hope things are improving there.

Love you!